The Friday Rant - 16.12.11

It's a potential killer and women don't even get it. We men suffer through it and our wives/girlfriends/daughters don't understand what this illness does to us blokes. I am of course talking about the dreaded man flu, and yes, I am suffering from a bad dose of it at the moment. Am I feeling sorry for myself ? Am I snappy and a little bad tempered because of it ? Of course not. I'm a bloke and I am suffering in blessed silence !! I am not moaning and groaning at all. I am not seeking any sympathy from my girls. I am not definitely not telling them all that they simply don't understand that this man flu is not just your common cold. It's man flu girls. You girls get colds, but us blokes get man flu !! How could we possibly just get a cold like you girls do ? We get it far worse..............

The simple fact is that I think I had the start of a cold that then turned into this vicious illness that we blokes know as man flu. For the life of me I can't work out why my wife is not being more sympathetic towards me, indeed my two young girls are resolutely ignoring me when I sniff, sneeze and generally moan a little bit. Little do they know that some lesser men are hospitalized when they get man flu, and I am in fact being incredibly brave. I am a walking advert in fact for bravery in the face of true adversity. I would never claim for example in front of a bunch of women that I think the whole childbirth thing is a bit of an exaggeration and that it can't hurt as much as they make out. If it really was that hard then they would better understand us blokes and the suffering we go through with man flu. And in case you were wondering, I could never be accused of the odd wind-up.

You will I am sure be admiring the hell out of me to know that I am soldiering on through this terrible illness. I thought about giving myself a day off to mope around moaning and feeling sorry for myself, but since I work here at home on my own the only sympathy I might get would be from my sheepdog Jess. Considering though that she has gone as deaf as a post in her old age I thought it better to keep on working through it. Talk about manning up.

It has to be a fact that women don't get man flu, because when my wife gets a cold she tends to just get on with it. If she got man flu like I did then surely she would be moaning and moping like me ? Not that I am of course, it's just the symptoms of man flu taking hold of me and making me feel sorry for myself and generally act like the world is coming to an end and that I can't actually lift a finger to help around the house because I am so ill. It is not a common cold. It's man flu. And I never yelped when my wife drew blood on one of my fingers when she was giving birth to our youngest girl. The blood was streaming down my hand in a gushing torrent but resolutely I kept holding her hand and manning up like the man I am. Imagine if I had had man flu during one of the births - what on earth would I have done ? We blokes are brave and our womenfolk just don't understand man flu and the suffering we go through with it. As I said, I have not been moaning and feeling sorry for myself at all.............