Henry Gilbey
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Henry Gilbey blog

Have I struck a chord ?

While this might primarily be a fishing and extreme metal blog, it seems that my brief comments yesterday on the songs from children's TV programmes getting inside your head and not letting go might have struck a chord - so the problem is bigger than I thought ?

I'll tell you how bad it is with me at the moment - I went out for a walk with my sheepdog Jess at 6.45am this morning, with "Iggle Piggle" still playing on continuous mode around my skull. The sounds of another day coming to life ? Hell no, I've got this inane drivel going on in my head."Come on Henry, get a grip", I say to myself, surely I can stop this nonsense.

It's just about then that this sadistic little voice in my head begins to rattle through the various children's TV programmes that my wife and I let our two young girls watch. "No, be gone Satan, leave me alone", I plead with my head, but no way, where's the fun in that ? So as Iggle Piggle exits my skull, I am then joined almost immediately by an arguably even worse song, the theme tune to "Balamory". Try taking your dog for a walk with that bouncing around inside your head and you will understand my frustrations.........

I even had a rational discussion about it with my wife over breakfast, while our youngest girl tried to empty her Weetabix over her head of course. I have a theory that these theme tunes to the various programmes have been scientifically written and designed to get inside an adult's skull and slowly but surely drive them mad. Kids love them and remember them, and the fact that they can so easily sing along to them makes the problem even worse. When I mentioned my new Balamory problems over the breakfast table, both my girls started singing it. Help !!

What was wrong with the awesome cartoons that we had during our childhoods, or do I just sound like I am getting old ? I bought a Tom & Jerry DVD for my eldest girl a while back and she loved it, and there is no annoying theme tune to drive you mad. Couldn't kids' programmes go back to being like this ?

Anybody out there have to actually watch Balamory ? If there is one thing I can't stand it is all this PC garbage that we are polluted with day in, day out, and if there is a more PC show than Balamory then I haven't seen it yet. My girls love it, and I sometimes sit there with them and watch it (I tell you, I lead a seriously glamorous life here in Plymouth). While they laugh and giggle, I sit there and imagine giving a few of the dreadful smiling clones a proper smack. I haven't got a racist bone in my body, but that is a hell of a "selection" of different people to be living in a Scottish town. The theme tune was written by the Devil - they say that black metal is Satanic, but they obviously ain't heard Balamory yet.

LazyTown anybody ? While I cheer for Robby Rotten and secretly wish to beat that bouncing doughnut Sportacus with a big stick, my girls sing the theme tune and dance to that wretched bint Stephanie's hyperactive routines. My eldest has even got a Lazy Town duvet cover. What was wrong with watching a cat and a mouse beat the living hell out of each other ?

And what on earth is going on in the programme "In the Night Garden" ? If the producers of that one have not been smoking scary quantities of "special tobacco" then I'm a Dutchman. My youngest girl loves it, but it gives me nightmares. I still have not figured out what on earth is going on, and I am 36 next year. Iggle Piggle has already just about fried my brain, and I can feel a bit of Upsy Daisy and the Tumblyboos coming on sometime soon......please, no !!

Big Cook, Little Cook - I can't even talk about this one without wanting to cry. Do all producers of children's programmes do drugs ? Honestly, a grown man flying about on a stick while they cook up utter filth and then poison some poor unfortunate wretch with it. It's sick. It should be banned.

All this pain from the mere half hour of TV that we allow our girls after their tea ? You better believe it. If you have kids, I have no doubt you can see feel my pain - I would lay down my life for my girls, but right at this moment I am seriously considering taking the BBC to court for messing with my head. Perhaps we should start a campaign to have children's TV brought back to the good old days of violent cartoons, rubbish theme tunes and gloriously un-PC subject matters.

Back to fishing and metal next week I promise. Well done England last weekend on the rugby front - by no means perfect, but on the way I believe. I can't wait for the Australia game tomorrow and I feel pretty good about it. I am just off downstairs now to jump up and down on my youngster's Iggle Piggle teddy while they are all out for the morning.....

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