Henry Gilbey
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Henry Gilbey blog

One of the worst films I have ever seen.....

I am going to start this post by stating that I still think Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark is one of the best and most enjoyable action/adventure films ever made......

OK, so this is nothing to do with fishing (or even extreme metal), but I went to the cinema last night to watch the new one, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - and I am still fuming now at how bad this film was. The one weekend where my wife and I do not have the kids with us (thanks to grandparents), so we want to make full use of our time and do things that we could not usually do, like go to the cinema. I would have loved to say I was out bassing, but you all know how seriously terrible the weather has been, and especially yesterday, so we booked tickets to go and see the latest Indiana Jones film here in Plymouth.

I should have followed my instinct and walked out of the cinema after the first ten minutes of the film - what on earth has happened ? What are all these great film people making this kind of rubbish for ? Spielberg is on autopilot, Harrison Ford is as wooden and bored looking as can be, his sidekick brings nothing to the series, and spends all his time combing his awful haircut and looking stiff, and the script is about as clunky and unoriginal as possible. The first ten minutes were just so contrived, so wooden, and so boring that I whispered to my wife that we should get out before we wasted our entire evening, but she was adamant that we should give the film a proper go. I am still annoyed that I sat through to the end of it.

And what about the effects ? These remember are coming from George Lucas and Steven Spielberg - and they are plain pants. The car chase through the jungle and along the cliff edges, is that the best they can do ? What happened to the bloke who brought dinosaurs to life in Jurassic Park ? The ending looks about as convincing as a 1950s puppet show, and what on earth is that daft looking skull they carry about for most of the film, looking like some relic left over from (the awesome) Aliens. The whole ending could not have been more ridiculous or over the top if it tried, and this is coming from a series of films that have mostly done so well in celebrating the ridiculous and over the top in a style that leaves the audience on a high. Some whizzing space ship coming out of the (fake looking) jungle, swirling rocks, fake looking water, dire dialogue, and a horrible end wedding scene that seems to hint at more films to come.................please, no more. I should have demanded a refund from the cinema last night !!

Any attempt at humour in the film was done with wincing amounts of knowing winks to the cameras, almost as if the actors were apologising for the lame script they had to work with. If this is the best script and plot they could come up with after all those years, I suggest that the whole lot of them go back to school and learn how to write all over again. Seriously, I am irate at how bad this film was, and how badly it has sullied the great name of Raiders of the Lost Ark. Temple of Doom was flawed, but even that now seems brilliant compared to this latest pile of rubbish. The Last Crusade was far better again, but I implore you to now go back and watch Raiders of the Lost Ark to see how good a film can be. That one film was all of them working together perfectly, perhaps when they were all hungry and driven somewhat more than they are now ?

I seriously rate Spielberg as a director, indeed I love loads of his films, but even he must know deep down that with the Crystal Skull he was making a turkey all along. He is one of the best directors ever to have worked in cinema, but if I was him, I would demand that my name be taken off the credits.

Ray Winstone, one of our great actors, what on earth was he doing ? I got lost with the number of times he crossed, double crossed and triple crossed Indiana Jones in the film, and still Indiana tried lamely to rescue him during the daft ending, and then bowing out of the film with one of the lamest lines I have ever heard in a cinema - something like "I'll be alright Jonesy", as he is blown away to his demise. Yes, it is that lame.

Anyway, I have now got that off my chest - sorry about the rant, I will come back to fishing and metal next week, but I simply had to vent my spleen on such a truly awful piece of cinema.

Henry GilbeyComment