The Friday Rant - 14.12.2012

Not quite sure why it's been so long since I last had a good rant on here, but seeing as it's nearly Xmas and 'tis the season of goodwill, I thought it might be time for one - and having just driven back from upcountry and seen countless instances of it, how could I not let off some steam about it ? How mad does it drive you when you see these utter idiots cruising along below 70mph on the motorway in the middle lane when there is hardly a car in sight, or how about some tit bumbling along well below the speed limit in the outside of a dual carriageway when once again there is not a car in sight ? Well it drives me loopy, hence the rant.........

I am pretty sure I'm right in believing that the middle lane on a motorway is not for cruising along in when there are no cars or lorries in the slow lane that you need to overtake, or am I wrong ? So there's me coming along in my Ford Focus estate (withhold your jealousy now !!) at around the speed limit of course, and there's some car bumbling along in the middle lane with not a care in the world. Inevitably they're doing about 60mph while to their left and right are empty lanes. Now I will admit that a couple of times I have perhaps flashed my lights to try and alert them to the fact that there is a lovely empty slow lane to their left that is sitting there wanting to be driven along, but usually I just overtake them and then pull across the three lanes when I have passed so that I am now driving in the slow lane as I should be in this situation. How many times do you pass a driver like this and they are sitting so close and hunched up to the steering wheel that they couldn't even see their rear-view mirror if it jumped down off the windscreen and slapped them in the face - so flashing my lights does no good anyway because they can't see it. But don't you love the look of surprise when you pass them in the fast lane and smile knowingly ? It's as if these people don't realise that other drivers apart from themselves use the motorway.

So I then pull across the lanes into the slow lane when I have passed the person and still they don't get the hint, and along they go in the middle lane causing countless other drivers like me to overtake them when in fact it should not be required - which then surely helps free the fast lane up for drivers who are going fast. I'll tell you what I really want to do when you come across a driver like this - one side of me would like to smack them in the rear-end with the front of my car just to see their reaction. "Oh, there's another car on this motorway, crumbs", might be their thought as I crushed their bumper to smithereens, and even better if the car was a brand new Chelsea tractor that has never, ever seen the countryside. The other side of me would love to be able to call in an air strike on the car and see them taken out completely !! How good would that be ? "Charlie Foxtrot calling Alpha Bravo, middle lane bumbler in front of me, GPS coordinates blah, blah, please deliver the package ASAP with extreme prejudice". My kind of deal. OK, so I jest with my reactions a little bit and now that I am a grown-up I am hardly going to go ramming these drivers up the backside, but one can dream. So what does one do on a dual-carriageway when you can't overtake in the fast lane because the bumbler is sitting in it ? A cruise missile strike, or is that too good for them ? Have a good weekend all of you and I will be back next week with some Gear of the Year stuff. If you have Sky Sports then please have a look at Tight Lines at 6pm tonight and tell me what you think. I can take it............