The Friday Rant - 22.07.11

I was watching a great TV programme the other night about my childhood hero Ian Botham and his legendary cricketing prowess during the 1981 Ashes series especially. All cool and highly emotive/exciting. So what is my rant about then ? Nope, Botham will forever be a hero of mine. It ain't that. My rant is about these idiotic people who feel the need to wear frigging sunglasses inside. I was out walking Jess this morning and wound myself up about it so much that I nearly walked straight into a tree. But what has this got to do with a TV programme about the mighty Ian Botham ? Well I'll tell you. Why on earth did Elton John have to be providing bits of chat on the programme whilst wearing sunglasses inside, and quite the most stupid looking pair of sunglasses I have seen in a long time as well ? Mick Jagger wasn't, and nor was Stephen Fry. Come to think of it, the subject of the programme wasn't wearing them either. So why oh why does anybody think it is acceptable to wear sunglasses inside ? I can feel myself screaming inside just typing those words. Sunglasses. Inside. No........

Perhaps being famous is actually a disease or illness much the same as a common cold or Ebola, and one of the symptoms happens to be that this infected person suddenly thinks that wearing sunglasses inside is cool. To regular people who are not famous/celebrities, we know that sunglasses are for outside use only. How could anybody sit down for an interview indoors and expect to be taken seriously when they are wearing a pair of sunglasses ? Is it just me, or does anybody else want to grab the offending item and jump up and down all over them until they are mere dust to fly away in the ruffling breeze of normality ?

I am thinking that these people might need to wear sunglasses inside because the reflected glow of their fame is so powerful that they themselves need to protect their delicate eyes from the glare. Henry, you might be onto something here. But then you don't see the interviewers wearing sunglasses indoors, so I guess that once again the cult of celebrity might almost cloak its members with an air of stupidity. I am hoping that one day an interviewer has the balls to stand up and remove the sunglasses from the interviewee's face before proceeding any further (and then jump up and down on them, on camera of course).

There is a slight chance that people who wear sunglasses inside are actually a lot more intelligent than us lot and are instead the ones who have got it right. Perhaps they are living in a dual-universe and are blogging about us doughnuts who have got it all wrong because we are NOT wearing sunglasses inside. Laughing and chuckling about us regular folk going about indoors without protective eyewear. What do you reckon ? We have to face the fact that perhaps another symptom of being famous is a vastly increased level of intelligence. There is every chance that somebody like Bono really does have the solutions to world peace and hunger, and that by wearing sunglasses inside his fleet of private planes he really is selflessly bringing us poor sods the fruits of a massive intellect. Brought about by being famous of course. And wearing sunglasses inside might shield us mortals from that harsh glow of fame. Or perhaps even be a really effective disguise. So in fact wearing sunglasses inside might be construed as being kind to us. Or perhaps not.............how can you take anybody seriously when you see them wearing sunglasses inside and trying to make it look as normal as picking your nose ?

But the more I think about this affliction that is wearing sunglasses inside, the more I think that perhaps it's a case of the wearer being so far removed from what was once a grasp of reality and perhaps so utterly empty inside that a pair of sunglasses prevents us from seeing into their eyes and finding out that there is in fact nothing there. Eyes convey so much feeling, but put a barrier to those eyes up and it's a great way of preventing the reading of one's inner state. I am right behind a free society where we get to run our own lives and then stand or fall by our decisions, but I can't help but desire a law that once and for all bans the wearing or sunglasses anywhere but outside in the fresh air. A law that is punishable by public group floggings and thrashing of offending sunglasses (high quality polarised ones excepted of course) before the first Test match each summer at Lord's. Come on England. Let's thrash India and become the no.1 Test side in the world. I don't see any "proper" sportsmen from the worlds of rugby and cricket and women wearing sunglasses inside............